guest blog

I can't help but re-post this blog I read this morning from a young woman whose faith and walk with Christ continues to reach in and grab my heart. Younger than me, and a single mother of 14 daughters in Uganda, she is yet another example that truly anything Jesus asks of us is possible. When He calls; He also equips. He has used her story to get my attention, today being just one of the days...

It can be found here
( The Journey; www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/)


“Jesus! Mama, baby Jesus! I want to see! I want to see Jesus!,” shrieks my littlest darling.

How can I refuse? I lift her, for what seems like the hundredth time this morning, to the manger scene on the living room bookshelf. She gazes in wonder, oohs and ahs, gingerly fingering the cornhusk baby in his twig and banana fiber trough.

“Jesus, Mama,” she whispers.

And so, the nativity scene that once was packed away each year after Christmas remains on the bookshelf still, because my darling baby, in all her wondrous excitement reminds me daily of who I want to be, the kind of life I want to live.

A wide-eyed, expectant child, gazing in wonder on a beautiful Savior.

In the middle of a broken, sin-crushed world, my soul cries out, “I want to see! I want to see Jesus!”

I want to see Jesus.

My darling Karimojong sister Maria, who is battling severe, gripping alcoholism, and her sweet baby are living with us still. People wonder, even gasp, that I would let her join us at our table. Isn’t she a poor example? Why would I subject my girls to that?

I want to see Jesus.

Newborn baby Noah snuggles to my chest as his mother lays dying in a hospital bed. He cried through the night and I feed him and kiss his pink toes and pray over his little life. Why do I do it? Don’t I have my hands full enough already?

I want to see Jesus.

Zulaika, her severely malnourished baby and her 8 year old daughter move into our home while we teach Zulaika how to care for her children and find her a job so she can continue to do so. They have lice. They do not bathe. Fear creeps up the back of my throat and I wonder, what if all my children get sick? But we have taken in sick people before, and each time He hedges us in protection. People ask, do I feel that I am being responsible?

I want to see Jesus.

Jane and her birth mom spend the weekend in our guest room. I figure if I cannot parent this my daughter, the least I can do is teach her mother about our Savior, invest time in their lives, pray over them while we love them. My heart breaks in two as her high pitched, breathy giggle once more fills my home and the pain threatens to paralyze me, but I won't let it.

I want to see Jesus.

Strangers eat at our table, bathe in our showers, sleep in our beds, share our everything. And I fleetingly wonder if it wouldn’t be better for my girls if I maintained some semblance of normal, but He shows me that HIS definition of family is not at all limited by my own.

I want to see Jesus.

I want to see Jesus and if I don’t step out, how can He come in? If I don’t give all of myself, my home, even my family, how will He be magnified?

Do I want my children to be safe? Absolutely. Do I want them to have a “normal” family dinner sometimes and be healthy and not be subject to the rage of an alcoholic or the hurt of friends dying and siblings leaving? Of course. But more than that I want to take a cue from my baby girl.

I want to whisper to them excitedly each morning, “Look, Jesus.”

I want them to see Jesus. In my life. In my actions. Lifted High. Magnified. In our neighbors, no matter how sick or dirty. In our home.

I want the best for my children, I do. And I believe with all my heart what is best is for them to have a mother – a crazy mother even – wide-eyed in wonder, recklessly chasing after her Savior.

More of Him. We want to see Jesus.

just writing...

‘For the Lord hears the cries of the needy; he does not despise his imprisoned people.’ Psalm 69:33

Over the weekend, I met a young woman who shared her story with me. She saw the cross tattoo on my foot, and asked me if I was a Christian. Me too, she said. And so we began to talk…I learned she has been a Christian for 10 years. She first learned about Jesus when she was living in her home village, as a child. She has a two-year-old son, and is already widow; at twenty-six years old. Her son lives with a relative a few hours away. I didn’t understand why, but perhaps she isn’t around enough to care for him. She works from 9am to midnight; everyday of the week, every day of the month- with one day off each month. She earns $40 a month, giving massages to foreigners. She has worked this job for the past two and a half years. It’s difficult though, she says, because she is the only provider in her house, and rent is $35 a month. The only way she can provide for her family is through her tips. On an average day, she says she has 3-5 customers. She is the sole provider for her mother and young brother, whom she shares the house (one room) with. Her father was killed during the Khmer rouge.

She wasn’t looking for pity. She wouldn’t say she was going without and she actually has many good things in her life, she said. She communicated with me not feeling sorry for herself, just openly sharing the facts, and seemed more than happy to chat with an interested stranger.

I am still thinking about her. Her story is not unusual. It is all too ordinary. Long hours. Low pay. Working every day. Poor and often illegal working conditions. Children being cared for by someone else. Families separated. Loss of a spouse. Day to day survival. No money saved; no extra money at all…

I wonder what it means for her to follow Jesus. I wonder how she understands His promises differently than I do. I will never understand why I am in the place I am, and her daily life often seems like a half a world away; even as we converse in the same room. Hers is a life I can’t even fathom, honestly. I do know, though, that I am deeply responsible and accountable for how I love and care for her and those like her. And I want to learn and understand more about what this responsibility means, and what it looks like practically. This is one of the difficulties and yet indescribable privileges to living in Cambodia for me. What a joy it was for me even to be able to have this conversation. What a joy it is to get to meet and know people here, and listen to their stories. And I will continue to struggle though the thoughts and questions and prayers, which don’t often have answers. But I want to be aware. And I want to remember those I am surrounded by who have struggles that I may never understand.

‘He will rescue the poor when they cry to him; he will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them.

He feels pity for the weak and the needy, and HE WILL RESCUE THEM.

He will redeem them from oppression and violence, for THEIR LIVES ARE PRECIOUS TO HIM.’
Psalm 72: 12-14

'but I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.' psalm 13:5

life these days

I have wanted to write for over a week. I don’t really have inspiration to write, but I will try anyway. I have moved; again. My third big move in the past year, even if this time it is back the city I first moved to, and within the same country. What a crazy past year it’s been. I was looking at pictures on my camera and recalled that during this week last year I was at the ocean one day, the next day skiing in the mountains~ and now, I am here in Asia. That ocean is far away, and instead I am surrounded by dry dusty plains, gravel roads, palm trees, and open fields. On an evening run I see the hazy pink sun going down, and I get love from giggling children who run after me barefoot until they tire. I no longer breathe in the congestion of the city streets, instead it’s the dust of the country roads. But I will take it!

It has been a pretty good past two weeks. Jesus is reminding me what dependence on Him really means and what it looks like. I feel like there isn’t much I am capable of without Him.

I still don’t know much about what life will look like here as the weeks and months go on. But for today, it looks like getting to meet with a few Cambodian teachers who are really excited to study English. Spending an hour reading a few pages of a book, because I am a slow reader. Meeting lots of new people. Playing ping-pong with some really eager to learn young women. Learning my way around; again. Learning how to drive a motorbike. Meeting the (new!) neighbor kids. Finding the market; again. Finding new places to run. Learning some new medical words in Khmer. Learning my way around a new clinic, and even getting to practice some old skills like giving IM injections!

Looking forward to see what the Lord has in mind for this next chapter of life in Cambodia…

paper on the wall

our Cambodian housemate is learning English and posted this on the middle of the wall sometime last night. when I woke up and saw it today, it brought a huge smile to my face.

transitions

I haven’t blogged yet in January! What a month it has been. Moving. Planning to move. Not yet having moved…. A time of being patient; and other times of not so much patience. Things that are beautiful. Lots that is hard. Many questions. Always uncertainties.

Ah.. and isn’t that life?!

I read a book this month called ‘Radical’ by David Platt. (which I highly recommend if you want God to seriously rock your world) It is one of the better books I have read, if wanting to think seriously about why I am here and why I live… One question asked among many is how much am I desperate for the Spirit of God in my life? Like how much of my life can I really do on my own? And if I am not desperate for the Spirit in the day to day, why not??

I have a long way to go. I have much to learn. But one thing I have been reminded of lately; I am in desperate dependence on Jesus.

I look ahead and I wonder how… how, what, when, why? I have so many questions. I am here. I have learned and grown and seen His faithfulness time after time; and the thought of moving ahead without Him- I honestly cannot imagine it.

It is a good place to be. It is where I want to remain, the only way to really live. But I am being reminded; it is not for the faint of heart.

‘Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind, and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.’ Proverbs 3:5-6.

2010

what a year!

Christmas is about Jesus...

These have been the words we have repeated lately; to our friends here who don’t know, and to ourselves, too, with a smile. It might not ‘feel’ like Christmas here, but two days from now, we will celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world—whether there are Christmas trees and snow in Cambodia or not.

I have been meditating on these prophesies from Isaiah this week; and really can’t get over how amazing they are; in the context of the whole Story, and spoken 700 some years before Jesus was born.

All right then, the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us’). (7:14)

The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine. You will enlarge the nation of Israel, and its people will rejoice. They will rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest and like warriors dividing the plunder. For you will break the yoke of their slavery and lift the heavy burden from their shoulders. (9:2-4)

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. (9:6-7)

In that day the heir to David’s throne will be a banner of salvation to all the world. The nations will rally to him, and the land where he lives will be a glorious place. (11:10)


I have been so blessed to witness this 'banner of salvation' across the world this past year.
Christmas=Jesus: GOOD NEWS indeed.

learning (and re-learning) grace

The other day I was frustrated. A few different times; about more than I could even put my finger on. I picked up my journal and started writing. I wrote and wrote. And as I wrote, peace and grace came over me. It was so unmistakable I had to pause.

I realized that a big issue that I am having (for probably over a year or more, but especially since I have arrived here) is the issue of GRACE, and that I am not good at accepting it or understanding it. I get it, in theory. I understand how other people should claim it and rejoice in it. I see why they should; it makes sense to me. I know that it is the most beautiful gift we have each ever received through Jesus; really, it is too beautiful for words. It doesn't make any sense at all; which only makes it that much more amazing. but I am still so bad at accepting it in practice; in real life! today I wondered if half the reason God put me here for this time is to teach me about grace.

I had the thought today that it would be so much easier to have a "normal" job, earn my own money, do my own thing, and not have to be accountable to anyone or worry about what anyone else thought--- because it would be "MY" life.
well, besides that totally missing the point, I realized that it is not only selfish and silly, but THAT is perhaps precisely why I have none of those things--- and why it is so hard for me! (I had no idea it would be so hard)

because I am not very good at having to be accountable to a whole lot of people for "what" I am doing, what my days look like, how good my language is, how I spend money, and what I am doing to "earn" it. I feel like a failure in most of these areas all too often. the feeling of having to do my best (which is what I am actually doing) to me almost seems impossible to ever reach--- because there is always MORE I could be doing. it's true, there is. but in the meantime I would fall apart, and sometimes I feel like I am, on the inside-- because I keep trying to measure up what I think my BEST should look like.

meanwhile, I am forgetting the point. I am actually doing my best. my heart and motives are right. I believe with all my heart that I am following Jesus with my whole life, and this just happens to be where He put me for this time. and so, I will BE here. and continue to do my best. but also know that I have been given GRACE because nothing I ever do is going to be "good enough...." and that is ok.

It was almost like God spoke to me out loud. Romans 8:1, 34. "who then, will condemn us? no one-- for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us..."

I don't know that I have learned it yet. or if I ever will. I know I have been aware of this before; even in the last few months. but still, it sneaks up on me and takes control of me sometimes until I focus on this gift of grace I have been offered instead. I am thankful, even though it is still almost too much to wrap my head around... (not to mention my life)

yikes. and I can't believe I am about to post this on a blog. (!)

tangible love

for all of the TANGIBLE LOVE I have received recently

recipes
canned pumpkin
fireworks
almonds
sidewalk chalk
new guitar (!!)
dove and seasalt chocolate
tj's peanut butter pretzels
hugs
peanut butter M+M’s
granola bars
new books
hairspray
fresh flowers
hand written (and typed!) letters
almond butter
soap
macaroni and cheese
starbucks via
peanut butter puffins cereal
holiday candles
love from Stumptown
cards
hand wipes
trail mix
sweet words
mascara
sunscreen
earrings
my favorite cheese from Oregon
coffee

THANK YOU. I am grateful beyond words. My heart is overcome with thanksgiving that I would be so loved; I am so filled and encouraged.


‘You treat me to a feast, while my enemies watch.
You honor me as your guest, and you fill my cup until it overflows.'
psalm 23:5, cev

the recent events in Cambodia

For me it all started last Monday night around 7:30pm. My friend Annie was visiting in Cambodia, and we had just returned from a long weekend away that afternoon. To make the most of our one night in Phnom Penh before we left again the next morning for the beach, we decided to have dinner out with my friend Cate.

Cate and I have been living in Cambodia for a while now, and knew that it was the final night of the Water Festival here in Phnom Penh. This is historically a huge celebration for Cambodians, where this year a predicted 3 million people from all over the country would flock to the city to watch boat races and to gather with friends for three days.

Yet neither of us thought that going to dinner would be such chaos; after all, we weren’t even going to the riverfront- where I thought most of the people would be concentrated. But on the ride to the restaurant, we were forced to get out and walk, as the street ahead of us was closed to traffic. The street ahead was also completely filled with people. Honestly, I didn’t really think anything of it, except the annoyance of the lack of crowd control and what seemed to be the norm in this place- chaos- that I didn’t feel like dealing with that night. I was sick of the crowds, sick of sweating, and wondered why everyone thought it was “fun” to go out on a night that was so ridiculously overcrowded and built up. We kept walking and made our way through the crowds, shoulder to shoulder with way too many people- and then arrived at the restaurant only to find it closed. To say the evening was frustrating and irritating was an understatement.

The next morning, before I boarded the bus to the beach, I bought a copy of local newspaper, The Cambodia Daily. As I sat in the bus before we left, I scanned the front page. ‘Bloodshed as Stampede Strikes Island Bridge’ was the first article that caught my eye. But honestly, it didn’t even seem to be presented as huge news- no big bold letters or even photos. As I look back, it makes sense, since all the chaos was still happening as this morning paper was being published. Still, I was shocked. I read the article aloud to Annie. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. It was even more real to me as memories of walking down a massively crowded street only about twelve hours before was still fresh in my memory. It had honestly never even occurred to me how dangerous it could be. It was clear that no one else could have imagined it either.

Within minutes I began to receive lots of text messages. My sister in Minnesota had read it on CNN.com. My expatriate friends were already arranging times to meet and pray. I began to realize that perhaps it was even more grim than the article I had just read. I didn’t know what to think as I thought about the deadly chaos and how many thousands of Cambodians lives that had just been turned upside down in the last few hours; as I had slept comfortably in my bed on the other side of the city.

Because I was on my way out of the city, I felt like I was a little disconnected to all that has gone on here in Phnom Penh this past week. Groups of friends meeting to pray. Debriefing with Cambodian friends. Seeing people lighting incense, praying to the spirits of the deceased and giving offerings on the streets. The national day of mourning last Thursday; where the whole city shut down.

But even from the little island where I spent the days following the event, I didn’t forget. I gathered with other Cambodians and foreigners under the simple shelter of a family home to watch some of the news on TV. I had Cambodians asking me if I knew about all the people who died in Phnom Penh on Monday night, and what it was like there. I read personal stories from the Phnom Penh Post, detailing a mother who had lost both of her young daughters on their first ever trip to Phnom Penh, among many others like it. And as we sailed away from the island in a boat on Thursday, I noticed a Cambodian flag flying at half-mast.

As I have returned to Phnom Penh and gotten a bit more caught up on life and happenings while I was away, I have paused to reflect some more. As I prayed this morning, I read Psalm 39, and was overwhelmed with the peace that is only found in Jesus.

‘Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.’ We are merely moving shadows,
and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.
We heap up wealth,
not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
 My only hope is in you.’ psalm 39:4-7


I don’t seek to share this message of hope in Jesus with people here in order to make them more like me, “convert” them, or manipulate them. I really just want them to come to KNOW Him.

Today I am aware DEEP in my heart just how much Jesus loves each one of those who died, their families, and all the people in this country. He offers a peace and joy that I know personally and desperately want others to know too. It doesn’t make sense of this situation or provide an explanation. But He is the only one who can bring peace in these times; peace that cannot be found anywhere else.

trees and rocks

yesterday before we started our morning at the clinic, a visiting guest shared a beautiful inspiration and prayer with us.
he talked about a type of native tree in New Zealand which grows up out of the rock. it's roots spread out across the rock, and as more trees grow, all of their roots become intertwined, allowing them to grow strong and be held in place on and in the rock. however sometimes there are not enough roots that grow deep into the rock, and so with the weight of the many intertwined trees, as they grow, they eventually fall into the water because their roots were not deep enough in the rock to hold them up.

and so it is with us. we are made to grow together, to help each other to grow deep, to hold each other up; closer to the Rock. but if our roots aren't strong enough in the Rock, our strength in the others who hold us up is not enough- and we fall off.

what a joy to be a tree growing on the Rock, alongside brothers and sisters as we grow alongside one another; supporting each other so we can grow together, with our roots deeper in the Rock. it doesn't matter who we are, where we come from, we are all necessary in making the network, our family, stronger; as we strive to dig down deeper in the ROCK which holds us secure.

beautiful.

'have the roots of your being firmly and deeply planted in Him, fixed and founded in Him, being continually built up in Him...' Colossians 2:7

what I learn and keep learning...

I am living in a place where there are so many different kinds of people, projects and plans in place in order to care for people and communities. There are seemingly endless problems, pain, and hurts in people around me. And the approaches and way people think and take action in order to address these needs is quite different too. Everyone has an opinion on what is the “best” way to make a difference.

It is worth the time to learn the local language, or are you better off getting to work in an office and work on broader policy issues? Do you live amongst the nationals in the country, or do you stay in an expat community? Do you start by addressing the material needs of the poor or help people to help themselves? Look toward children, the future of the country? Girls or boys? Young or old? Address health needs only, or spiritual needs, too? Can you do both? What about teaching English? Is there an empowering way to love the woman who is poor and can’t read, but knows a lot more than I do about how to be a good mother…? What is the best way to teach someone in a very different context without being patronizing? How important is the clothing you wear or where you live?

Ultimately, the question feels to me like, “am I doing a good job?” Sometimes it sure doesn’t feel like it. All I want to do, really, is love God and love people. But there are so many details- and where to begin to know how to answer all the questions that will never go away?

But over the past month or so, my Father has been speaking to me on all of this…

Don’t worry about how overwhelming the big picture looks. Don’t worry about what others do. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense, or it seems wrong. Don’t judge their efforts; it isn’t up to you, and it isn’t your job. Don’t worry about what they think of you. Don’t worry if your journey looks different. The opinions of the world don’t matter- Look to Me. Look to Me. Look to Me. When you follow hard after Me, you won’t have time to worry or think about these things; it is Me alone that matters. I will show you the way to move forward. I will never leave you. I love you. I look on you with so much love and grace. I know your heart. Only in clinging to Me and following Me will you have peace and not fear the road and journey of unknowns that lie ahead.

Sunday school

The highlight of yesterday was this: I got to walk five blocks to church holding the hands of my three little neighbors!

Whenever I leave my house, I have about four or five kids waiting around my gate, or if not- quick to run over and jump into my arms as soon as one of them spots me and yells my name. We have had some fun times together in the past few months; reading books, playing games, coloring, and even baking cookies. Each time I leave, they want to know where I am going (a popular question amongst any Cambodian!) It struck me last week that when I told them I was going to church, I could actually take them with me. There is a really large Khmer church in my neighborhood, and it just so happens to have a Sunday school program and all. When I inquired with some of the church staff if I could bring my neighbors, they said 'of course' and went on to tell me that each weekend they average about 300+ kids! wow!

So when I came home last week, I mentioned to them that if they asked their parents they could come with me next week if they wanted. I wasn't even sure if they would want to, but I had a good guess. For the last week, they have been reminding me, "don't forget about Sunday..."

When I got home Saturday night, they asked again about the morning. They assured me they asked their grandma, and so I asked if I could meet her to ask, too. Sure enough, she walked over and met me with a smile, and said it was no problem for them to go with me. (yeah, Cambodia is different in this way; we had indeed just met for the first time!)

Before we said goodnight, the oldest girl asked me, "do they speak English there? because I don't understand English.... Are the other kids there Khmer?" I was so happy to be able to assure her that the other kids there were Cambodians, too... and no, they won't speak in English, don't worry....

When I came downstairs Sunday morning, the kids squealed as they saw me. "We're going to church today!" they were singing and chanting. We walked to church, I checked them in at Sunday school, and promised them I would be back a few hours later to pick them up. Although they are not a bit shy, they definitely were a bit quieter, as they looked around the new room. When I left them to attend the service downstairs, I felt like a mom on my child's first day of kindergarden; worrying if they would have a good time, if anyone would talk to them, if they would ever want to go back. I just really wanted them to have a good experience and have fun.

It was such a joy for me to drop them off at a program completely planned and put on by other Cambodians. For kids who have never heard about Jesus, looking around and seeing others just like them is quite a bit different than hearing about Jesus from someone from a different country and culture. This church is a glimpse for me of what is to come in this country, young people leading one another to New Life in Jesus-- and forward into the next generation! Yay!

The kids did indeed have a great time-- and are already asking about next week! One of the other parents has already asked if his son can come too. Yes. Yes. Yes!

Please join me in prayer for these kids and their families. I completely believe God can do mighty things in and through these three siblings. May we not underestimate the power of His word in the hearts of children.

'But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.”' Matthew 19:14

house of love

"How can we live in the midst of a world marked by fear, hatred, and violence, and not be destroyed by it? When Jesus prays to his Father for his disciples he responds to this question by saying,

'I am not asking you to remove them from the world, but to protect them from the evil one. They do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world.' John 17:15-16

To live in this world without belonging to the world summarizes the essence of the spiritual life. The spiritual life keeps us aware that our true house is not the house of fear, in which the powers of hatred and violence rule, but the house of love, where God resides. Hardly a day passes in our lives without our experience of inner and outer fears, anxieties, apprehensions, and preoccupations. These dark powers have pervaded every part of our world to such a degree that we can never fully escape them. Still it is possible not to belong to these powers, not to build our dwelling place among them, but to choose the house of love as our home. The choice is not made just once and for all, but by living a spiritual life; praying at all times and breathing God's breath. Through the spiritual life we gradually move from the house of fear to the house of love."
Henri Nouwen, Behold the Beauty of the Lord

Is it SAFE?

A friend passed this video on to me yesterday. I smile because while this may be a humorous little clip, in all seriousness, these issues of "safety" are the basis for questions I have heard all too often. What does Jesus say about being "safe"?

adventures in reading...again.

When I was in kindergarten, I remember being really excited to go to the school library for the first time. I found a book with all text and no pictures and proceeded to go to the librarian to check it out. She was a soft-spoken elderly woman, who questioned me when she took one look at the book. Why would I want to check out a book with no pictures and a whole lot of tiny words under a plain black hard cover when I was 5 years old and couldn’t even read?

I remember wanting to check out this book because I wanted so badly to learn to read. I didn’t want to go through the stage of the beginning learner; where I would have to read a picture book with only a word or two on each page. I wanted to be able to read for real! And I wanted to appear smart. Maybe if I pulled out the book on the school bus and stared at it long enough I might learn something? Or I might at least look like I knew something?

She did allow me to check out the book, even though I’m sure she was laughing on the inside as she watched me proudly walk away with my new “I look smart now” book. I also remember looking at the book a few days later and admitting that it really wasn’t very interesting; and I would have been better off with the books that my friends had- brightly colored children’s books which were appropriate for my age level.

So, I suppose I have grown up and matured since then…??

Learning to read and write my second language, I really didn’t ever want to get above my head. I wanted to be challenged, and I really wanted to learn, but I didn’t want to appear that I knew more than I did. (Perhaps I have gone in the other direction?!)
So I have been working hard, and waiting patiently.
Can you read?
Well, not really.
A little…

Today I bought my first ‘real’ dictionary. Because I had a simple one but I actually needed to know more words than I could find in it. And because I can actually use the words, write them, and even read some of them! And yesterday I bought my first Bible in Khmer, too. Maybe it’s cheating a little because each page is half in English. But that is where I am at. And yes, realistically I will not really be reading it (as one reads a book) anytime soon. But because I found myself stealing my friend’s Bible over and over to look up references or to copy a verse or two, I figured perhaps it was time to get my own.

It’s funny to me that now it seems a little scary to me—these two “grown up” book purchases. I am intimidated a little. I feel like I should really know something if I need to use them. (and do I, really?!) Yikes. But I have to admit, it is fun!

water of life

'He lifts the poor from the dust
and the needy from the garbage dump.
He sets them among princes,
even the princes of his own people!
He gives the childless woman a family,
making her a happy mother.' Psalm 113:7-9



When I arrived in Phnom Penh to study Khmer at the university a few months ago, I asked a doctor at a local clinic if there was anything I could do there to help out. At this particular clinic, there were plenty of Cambodian nurses, so it wasn't clear where I would fit in. We agreed to stay in touch. Meanwhile, I ran into another nurse I know from Denmark, who invited me to come along with her to see the clinic that she works at outside of Phnom Penh-- built on the grounds of the former garbage dump. It is called the Water of Life clinic, and it provides care to pre and post natal mothers and babies... (and their older siblings, of course!) I really enjoyed the time with her, and couldn't believe how busy she was that Saturday morning! The two of us had one room, where we did 'baby checks' on newborn babies as well as older babies and a few older children, too. Some of the newborns were being seen for the first time; many had been born in their makeshift houses, most likely on a dirty bed.
Sometimes the women would have Cambodian midwives in attendance, if they could come up with the $5 it costs to hire one. This is of course encouraged by the clinic staff, although for many of the woman this is simply beyond what they can afford. So they have their babies at home with perhaps only a sister, mother, or husband in attendance. After holding these seemingly perfect babies in my arms the first day, it was not these differences I thought about. All I thought about was just how similar we all are. These mothers loved and wanted the best for their babies; and they did the best they could to care for them. What a privilege it was to be the first health care provider to hold them and listen to their little lungs and hearts and deem them healthy!
The other nurse I was working with was on her way back to Denmark for a few months the following day. 'So, who looks at the babies while you are away?" I asked her. "Yeah, I don't know yet..." she said. The midwives, who were in the room next to us, were doing simple ultrasounds and health checks on pregnant woman, as well as checking up on the women who had recently delivered. There were more than busy seeing just the woman alone. I couldn't imagine if these 5 or 6 volunteers were looking after the woman AND the children. I quickly volunteered to come out every Saturday that I could. I didn't really feel like I was qualified or knew what I was doing, but I also knew that I never really would. I just had to start, and this was an obvious need and opportunity.

Since that first Saturday, I have returned every week. It continues to be a highlight of each weekend. Honestly, I love it, but it is a challenge, too. Yesterday I finished exhausted. It was hot and the line of people to be seen never seemed to end. I was tired. But it is truly a gift to be able to hold these babies and give simple advise and ideas to their mothers. We get to share with them knowledge and encouragement-- "Being a mother is hard.... but hang in there, you are doing a great job!" The little things, like providing tylenol for headaches and fevers, cream for itchy dry skin, and clean water to drink while waiting-- they all make a difference. Some of the mothers have been helped to start a simple business in order to support their children. Some don't even have a towel to wrap their baby in; and we get to share these kinds of practical things with them. I love it. There are also four young Cambodian women studying to be midwives that are the future of this clinic. It is a joy to work alongside them, watch them love and care for their neighbors, and encourage them as they work hard in this process, too.

Praising God for the tangible way I get to be a part of "lifting the needy from the garbage dump..."

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

philipians 4:6

M & A

Alyssa reminded me before she left that she reads my blog but I have gotten behind, and I should really post something soon… So here it is; a shout out to the greatest short term interns to have graced Poipet with your presence!

I met Mitch and Alyssa the first day I got to Cambodia, about 5 months ago. They had already been in Poipet for over a month, and I was immediately impressed by their easy-going nature, flexibility and kindness. From my observation, they had obviously jumped in head first into the many unknowns of living in Cambodia. They seemed quite comfortable and content in what I found, frankly, to be a difficult place to live. I liked them immediately.

Over the past five months, we experienced many things as we “did life” in Cambodia together. Mice, dust, noise, lacking communication skills, no hot showers, ;) and getting sick, too— but these were no match for the things God had in mind when He called us to this obscure corner of Cambodia for this season…

I was able to spend some time with M&A in Phnom Penh this past week before they returned to Australia. We had some great morning conversations over coffee, and I loved hearing their hearts overflowing with praise to God for His faithfulness to them in this time (which in their opinion, was not nearly enough!) I found myself remembering how I felt when I left Cambodia after six months- going originally thinking that it was a long time to be away; and returning home feeling like it was no where near enough time!

Most of all, though—I was incredibly encouraged by their faith and trust in God. They came to Cambodia thinking they had “no practical skills” to offer. They quit their jobs and left their lives because they trusted God, even though it didn’t necessarily make sense. They left yesterday for Australia knowing and understanding that He had brought them here with a specific plan. They left a community of Cambodians who deeply love them and have been changed and encouraged by their smiles and selfless service. Yet they were bursting with thanksgiving for all God has given to them!

All He needed was their trust. And they chose to trust. And now there are many (including me!) whom God has touched because of their obedience.

We chatted about how we wish we could really (really!) communicate to those around us about God’s faithfulness in this way. It might be difficult. You might face persecution. It might not make any sense at all. But when He shows you something and asks you to follow, do it! Ultimately there is no disappointment found walking where Jesus leads.

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20