In the winter of 2012 when I was still living in Cambodia, one day I felt like the Lord told me clearly that it was time to move on. Give up this place for this time. Go home. After only two years, I felt like my time in Asia had only just begun.
I
didn’t want to leave at all. I stubbornly thought of all the reasons I should
stay. In my head, the only possible reason that would make moving across the
world worth it (again) was if I was going to meet the man I would marry or
something like that…
and
of course that wasn’t going to
happen.
fast
forward six months, and there I was in Portland, Oregon. Portland was just
another version of home I had come to know and love in the past years. At this
point, I was struggling with the idea of church and what it meant to be a part
of the Church in America. I was discouraged and reluctant.
I
was in and out of Oregon all summer, attempting to rest and renew my soul after
much time away and before diving back in to the working world. I had prayed a
lot about what it meant for me to be a part of a church in my new home city. I
felt a lot of angst around so many changes- in community and church and what I
was being called to for this next season.
it
seemed almost by default that I got roped in to the Jarrett house community
with my friends and housemates. I was hesitant at first. But as I learned more
of the hearts of these new friends, and their love for Jesus and their
neighbors, I realized quickly it was exactly where I belonged. And so I had
found a new family and church home within the Bread and Wine community.
enter
Gordon.
at
one point last October, I had noticed Gordon playing his drums during one of
our Sunday gatherings. I noticed that he knew everyone. He was always smiling,
giving hugs, and genuinely friendly. There was something about him. Yet he was
not the kind of guy I typically noticed because he seemed overly friendly and
interested in everyone; so I
was hesitant to show interest and be another girl on his list! I also found out
his age and wrote him off as too young.
one
Sunday found us having lunch with a few other friends. For as many mutual
friends as we had, we really hadn't spent much (or any?) time talking.
Gordon
was about to leave for a trip to India. I had spent some time there earlier
that year, so I talked his ear off about everything I loved about it; including
giving him medical advice and offering to pass on some medications I had
obtained in Asia. (I mostly just wanted another reason to be in contact with
him…!)
well,
he went to India and I sent him a few text messages prior to his trip, which he
took about 3 days to return. I didn't think much of it, even when he invited me
to dinner with some friends at his house the day he returned. I already had
plans, and declined. I did want to see him, but I didn't want to get my hopes
up either.
eventually
he asked me to meet him for coffee after another group of us had lunch one
week. I think that day it was clear we weren't going to have enough time to
talk unless it was just the two of us. I could tell he was interested in me
(kind of?!) but he played it SO cool; like it was no big deal. We met later
that week for coffee. He chose the location about 5 minutes before we met
there, so I really didn't think he cared very much about me, or meeting up. He also
was on call that day for work. Of course I didn't understand or know anything
about what this meant, because we didn't really know each other and I had no
idea about his job. He was on the phone from the moment he got out of his car!
And he was involved in about four different phone conversations after that,
which interrupted our conversation multiple times! I tried to be patient, and I
wondered, 'Is this normal?!" I think normally I would have written off
anyone who appeared so distracted, but there was something about him. I
remember deciding it didn’t matter, and at the same time, wondering what I was
thinking. Who was I?!
meanwhile,
the things he shared with me that day made it really clear that he was like no
one else I had talked to. I really wanted to know him. I felt nervous; like I
was a bit too flustered to be myself. Most people would agree that this
is not like me; but that afternoon it was!
in
our conversation we found common ground in our experiences overseas, language
learning, and experiences of exploring different cultures and parts of the
world. This has been an enormous part of my heart and my story that I
never felt like many people relate to or understand.
it
was also clear to me that day that he really loved Jesus. Not in a way that he
was trying to impress me, but he just did. There were so many little things
that made it clear to me we should be together. And I realized that that is
what I really wanted…
we
kept spending time together; although it’s our joke that at first, Gordon never
made it very clear to me how he felt. He didn’t explicitly state anything. He
didn’t tell me he liked me. We didn’t talk about it. I was so confused! I
really liked him and wanted to know more of his heart, but I was still trying
to keep my distance because I wasn’t sure what his intentions were.
one
day, I shared my feelings to Don Paul, a good friend and father type to both of
us.
‘Don,
what’s with this guy??’ I complained, ‘I don’t even think he likes me!’‘Ohhhhhh…. Ummm, Yeah. I talked to him the other day… I don’t want to say too much… but um… that’s not the impression I got…” Don said.
Don told me in not too many words that Gordon was “worth being patient for…” and assured me that I should hang in there.
one
night soon after, we talked. He told really clearly that he liked me and how he
felt. I could tell he had thought through what he was going to say and that he
was really genuine. He told me that he had assumed we were “together” for a few
weeks now… (he wondered how I didn’t get
this memo; but that’s a whole other story!)
after
that, things were different. It wasn’t long before I felt pretty sure that
Gordon was the man that I would marry. Of course I never said anything to him,
but something in me just knew. I
had days and moments where I felt like I was taking a huge risk because I
really wanted to be with him, and I didn’t know the outcome. I also knew that
this was the relationship that I wanted to invest in despite what I couldn’t
control.
from
the beginning, Gordon never ceased to surprise and impress me. He had traveled
all over the world. He spoke German and Spanish. He liked to drink tea.
He knew how to sail and he liked camping. He was musical, active, up for
adventures, and loved Asian food. He was a strong match for my spirited personality.
He was a leader; steady, stable, and unwavering in his love for Jesus and for
others.
throughout
our journey together, Gordon has been an amazing leader who is quick to point
me to Jesus and speak truth. He calls me out when I need it. He is encouraging,
thoughtful, and fun. Apart from our relationship, I have experienced much
transition and loss during this past year. Gordon has walked through this with
me faithfully and prayerfully. I have joked with him that he met me at the
“wrong” time; but I am also confident that the Lord’s ways are not mine.
Gordon’s presence has reminded me of the Lord’s intimate care and knowledge of
my heart. And I am thankful and overwhelmed that although this season has been
difficult in some ways, it was never “wrong.”
praising God for this piece of the story.
