the plan

It is easy to be overwhelmed with all that is wrong in the world. Violence, injustice, poverty, war. Children without parents, people who suffer with chronic illness, domestic abuse. Genocide. Corrupt governments. The list could go on...
Many wonder how a good God can allow these things to go on. Many wonder, “Does God even care? and if so, why do so many suffer?”

It is all difficult to comprehend and understand. Overwhelming.

But the Bible assures us that God does care. In many places it shows that his heart breaks for those who are oppressed and who suffer. The Psalms often speak of this. In Psalm 9, it says: “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed...He DOES NOT IGNORE the cry of the afflicted.” And in Psalm 72 it tells us that “He will rescue the poor when they cry to him; he will help the oppressed who have no one to defend them. He feels pity for the weak and the needy, and he will rescue them. He will redeem them from oppression and violence, for their lives are PRECIOUS to him.”

Yet it is still hard to understand why all of these things continue. It is hard to see them happening firsthand, to read about them in the newspaper, to see images on TV, to have a conversation with someone in the midst of suffering.

I often wonder how to proceed. A story in John 6 came to mind; in which Jesus feeds five thousand people.

“After this, Jesus crossed over to the far side of the Sea of Galilee, also known as the Sea of Tiberias. A huge crowd kept following him wherever he went, because they saw his miraculous signs as he healed the sick. Then Jesus climbed a hill and sat down with his disciples around him. It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration. Jesus soon saw a huge crowd of people coming to look for him. Turning to Philip, he asked, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” He was testing Philip, for he already knew what he was going to do. Philip replied, “Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!” Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. “There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?” “Tell everyone to sit down,” Jesus said. So they all sat down on the grassy slopes. The men alone numbered about 5,000. Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate as much as they wanted. After everyone was full, Jesus told his disciples, “Now gather the leftovers, so that nothing is wasted.” So they picked up the pieces and filled twelve baskets with scraps left by the people who had eaten from the five barley loaves.” (John 6:1-13).

Jesus asks me, “What do you have?”
(five barley loaves and two fish... I answer. But what good are these in this situation?!)
Jesus says that I don’t have to provide what is needed. I often cannot. He takes the little, insignificant amount of whatever I have, and HE PERFORMS THE MIRACLE. He tells me that if I would only offer what I have, He will do the rest. I don’t have to worry that I am not fit to feed five thousand people. I don’t have the ability to heal my friend who suffers in pain. I am not able to end the domestic violence in my neighbors home. I can’t take on all the orphans in Africa, or heal those dying of AIDS. Yet I CAN offer to Jesus what I have. I can visit the sick. I can refer my suffering neighbor to someone who can help. I can hold the hand of someone who is lonely. I can support those who care for people on the other side of the world, and those who care for the orphans in Africa. I can pray. And I can expect that Jesus will take what little I offer, and perform the miracle. He will do the rest.

When I am overwhelmed and wonder what the plan is to end this suffering and injustice and pain, I am reminded that I AM THE PLAN. Proverbs 31 says, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.” In Matthew 23, Jesus calls justice, mercy, and faith the more important aspects of the law. Isaiah 1 says, “Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.” Jesus asks Simon, one of his disciples three times, “Do you love me?” and three times Simon says, “yes, Lord, you know I love you.” “Feed my lambs- Take care of my sheep,” Jesus commands. (John 21).
So I think about the questions:

For what purpose was I redeemed?
What is it that I can offer?
What is He asking me to do?
What is He calling me to stand up for?

when I'm 41...

I want to have a small fraction of this woman’s spirit and drive. Her competitiveness, dedication, determination, and discipline are my current athletic inspiration. Dara Torres will swim for the US in Beijing in a few weeks. She is 41 years old, has a two year old daughter, has already won nine Olympic medals, and the only swimmer to be competing in the Olympics for the fifth time. Her qualifying time in the 100 free was 2.47 seconds faster than her Olympic time twenty years ago!

And her abs?! Don’t even get me started...

Read more about her in this weeks TIME; “100 Olympic Athletes to Watch.”

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world when He could do something about it.... But I am afraid God might ask me the same question."
~anonymous

the zoo

I have had lots of funny experiences working with patients who have had just a little too much medication. Tonight I gave my patient the IV medication that was ordered to help him sleep. It was a new order, and a large dose, but I found it appropriate because of his size and past tolerance to other medications.

At 3:30 am, he came out of his room, dressed in jeans, cowboy boots, a dress shirt, and a leather vest. He has previously been wearing grey sweatpants.

"Where are you going?" we asked him.

"Nowhere" he said. "I can't go anywhere without a map..."

Then, after walking down the hall and back, he went back in his room and sat down.

I went in and asked, "Where are you right now, M?"

"The petting zoo..."

I laughed out loud. "What kinds of animals are there?"

"People" he said. "They are here to see me."

He was the type to give me a hard time anyway. I couldn't tell if he was joking...

"Are you just trying to make me laugh?" I asked, still laughing.

"What do I look like, a comedian?" he responded, very serious.

"...and find me some bacon and eggs, ok? there has to be a place to stop around here somewhere..."

I told him that it was 3:45 in the morning, and there were no bacon or eggs...

He gave me a look of pure hate, and said,

"You are so full of it..."

messy thrilling life

warm-disappointed-calm-lazy-sad-lonely-alive-thrilling-excited-messy-loved-cared for-beautiful-strong-broken-hurt-nostalgic-lost-understood-longing-tired-left-hard-mysterious-difficult-creative-miraculous-impossible-wishful-attached-endless-adventurous-hurting-overwhelmed-sentimental-dark-close-quiet-overwhelming-joyful-inspired-jumbled-discouraged-bold-afraid-promise-crowded-imperfect-aching-challenged-quick-dramatic-confused-passionate-known-frustrated-missing-emotional-alone-content-full

I talked to a friend the other day who reminded me of a book I had given her a few years ago called Messy Thrilling Life, by Sabrina Ward Harrison. Even the mention of the title was what I needed that day; a perfect description to me of life at the moment.

photos www.sabrinawardharrison.com

26.2

WE DID IT!!!

Running a marathon has been one of my goals for as long as I can remember. I didn't talk about it much, though, because I didn't actually ever run. I always thought it sounded cool, I just didn't really do it. I ran track in high school- but I raced 200 meters at the most. Maybe it's just that I work harder now, but it hardly compares! It wasn't until I went to college and was stressed out one day did I ever really go for what I considered a real "run." It was maybe 30 minutes or something, I'm not sure.

Somewhere along the line, though, I became somewhat addicted to this "drug" called running. The way it made me feel. The fact that I often didn't feel like it, but afterwards the endorphins pumping through my body made me feel like I could do anything. The early mornings that made me cringe when I first woke up, but later on made me thrilled to be alive. The blisters on my feet, multiple pairs of new shoes, the pain in my legs and knees after running over 20 miles, the encouragement of seeing someone else on the trail after 2 hours that made me want to continue, the trill of passing a stranger on the last mile...something about the combination of all of these things has made it not only a part of my daily routine, but something I can't get enough of!

So last Saturday, I ran my first marathon. It was a killer. It wasn't even the miles, but the heat. Central Oregon soared over 90 degrees that morning, and it made running all the more intense. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. The mental battle in my mind never seemed to quit, as I fought the negative thoughts away mile after mile. One minute I was refreshed, joyful, and alive as took a drink and splashed the rest of the cold water on my face; the next I was miserable, nauseous, and wondering why the hell I ever thought this was a good idea. I heard ambulance sirens at mile 16 or so and tried not to think about why. I fought the urge to throw up, tears, panic attacks, and just kept telling myself, "you CAN'T quit!" I knew I would finish, I just didn't know that it would be as difficult as it was. While running, I remember thinking, "I never want to do this again!" but within a few hours of finishing, I thought, " I WILL do this again- and get a better time, too!"

(It really is addicting!)

I write all of this to say that that if you are reading this and run...want to run... or have never run... but have ever thought that running a marathon would be the ultimate challenge... YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!! Honestly, if I can run 26.2 miles, it is possible for anyone. I have been inspired by many others before me (thanks Lindsey!) and would love to inspire more to join me in "running the race." More thoughts on this to come...

Thanks to everyone for being so supportive and encouraging along the way...Katie, Rebecca, and Sean for joining me in two races now, (!) and to Pip, who trained with me for five intense months, and traveled all the way from Australia to run this crazy race with me, finishing FIFTH place...and kicking my butt, too! ;) You go girl!

marathon preparation

Last Saturday I ran my first marathon! More on this in the next post!
Here is documentation of one of our training days on the Oregon coast :)