blind and lost

it happened
I live that other part of the world now
the one that is beautiful and comfortable
and really different

I worried it might feel like this
like I went away for awhile
-disappeared to that other place-
and when I got back it was familiar enough
I could pick up where I left off and keep going-

[was that what I was supposed to do?]

that other place I was- did it really happen?

that dusty humid air
mud and sweat, friendly smiles
[the presence of God amidst the tangible aches of life]
the children that called out after me on the road
the babies I held; the patients I cared for

those words I used to communicate in;
they continue to come to my mind,
threaten to escape my lips
and yet I remain quiet
because they aren't needed anymore

did all of those days happen the way I remember them?

for all the raw pain I witnessed, and felt too
it all feels so far away now
forgotten

I hate it

that in the hours that passed when I journeyed from one land to another

life went away
was replaced
is different
and sometimes I feel blind and lost