It’s official~ I am back in the land of Cambodia, this time for a while. It is both a blessing to be here and a shock too. Not really different than I expected but more difficult.
I wouldn’t want to repeat the day I left my beautiful friends in Portland; the words scribbled in my journal recall my heart as I sat alone for the first time in awhile.
‘it is almost physically painful to cry and to ache and hurt for this season which has passed. I feel so loved, so cared for. I couldn’t ask for anything else as I move forward, but it still hurts. My eyes are burning and I can’t stop the tears. I remember the psalm which says, ‘you know each tear, each ache is written in your book.’ It is crazy comfort, yet doesn’t allow me to stop crying. I feel very alone.’
And now, in the last week I have moved in and started a life in what seems like a different world entirely. I fall asleep to lizards and a fan, underneath a mosquito net, and wake up to roosters behind my house. The heat in the house reminds me of a wet oven. I bathe three times a day because of the sweat that drips down my back. I don’t use a shower, but wash away the dust and sweat with a scoop and bucket. My feet are again bare and brown. I have been to the market more than the grocery store. My legs and feet burn with tingling and itching from the mosquito bites, which seem to multiply every day. Everywhere I go, I speak broken phases slowly in a language I still don’t usually understand.
Yet I find there is something oddly charming in this different world. I can’t explain it, or even give it words. I feel like God has given me a heart that loves this place, even though it is uncomfortable. A heart that smiles and breaks at the same time while looking out over the city in front of me. I am challenged to learn and grow in ways beyond what I can grasp or understand- just so I can love the people around me well. At first I didn’t know how I would move forward, or if I could. It is a bit easier now, but I still wonder. Literally, all I can do is cry out to God.
‘I don’t understand this. I know I am supposed to be here. I don’t understand why, or how I can do this. But I will try- because You ask. One minute, one hour, one day at a time.’
I learned it is different to say I trust God and desperately NEED Him, and actually be LIVING it. I am in desperate need of Him every day. It is NOT easy for me to be here right now. But it is real life- painful, raw, sweet, ugly, beautiful, and in my face.
And He knows me- and He knows my brothers and sisters who share this life with me here. And He is here, too.
“I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and care about the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to my enemies, but have set me in a safe place. …but I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, ‘You are my God! My future is in your hands.” psalm 31:7-8, 14-15
Monday, April 5, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
still. KNOW.
'be STILL and know that I am God.' psalm 46:10
today is heavy, difficult, and painful. I am having a hard time.
God speaks these words to me, and I want with everything I am to KNOW them and believe them.
today is heavy, difficult, and painful. I am having a hard time.
God speaks these words to me, and I want with everything I am to KNOW them and believe them.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
March
I am leaving for Cambodia later this month!
I feel like I need to write out more of my thoughts; as this time is sweet and beautiful and I don’t want it passing away without writing down even a fraction of how much I’m thinking.
In the past few days, I have heard some important words from Jesus; from my Bible and through the words of David Platt in some sermons I downloaded online. Here are some of them:
'In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.' Luke 14:33
‘If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.’ Luke 14:26
‘but none of these things move me; neither do I esteem my life dear to myself, if only I may finish my course with joy and the ministry which I have obtained from the Lord Jesus; faithfully to attest to the good news of God's grace.’ Acts 20:24
‘A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.' "All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said. When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you!" "I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life.’ Luke 18:18-30
'Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ. Remember how you remained faithful even though it meant terrible suffering. Sometimes you were exposed to public ridicule and were beaten, and sometimes you helped others who were suffering the same things. You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail, and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever.' Hebrews 10:32-34
'So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.’ Matthew 10:26-30
All of these words speak so much to me; most importantly, they make me deeply joyful to follow Jesus.
He reminds me:
I do not need to be afraid. He knows the number of hairs on my head.
I want to be like Peter: ‘Lord, we left ALL WE HAD to follow you.’
As Paul says in his letter to the Hebrews, ‘when all you had was taken from you, you accepted it with joy; knowing that better things were waiting…’ despite what the world around me shouts.
I believe that I will find true life if I am willing to lose my life for His sake- even if I don’t see what that ‘true life’ looks like for a long time.
I want it to be clear that I love Jesus with ALL my heart, soul, and mind because of the way I live.
This is hard to write, because it is HARD to live. but it's true.
I don’t write this because I think that it will be easy, or that it is easy. But it IS my heart. I DO believe it with all my heart. And I am excited and most of all joyful to open my hands to Jesus for the rest of my life. This isn’t new, or just starting now. But I am, I suppose, beginning a new step soon.
I am sometimes afraid of the unknowns that lie ahead. I don’t at all think this is straightforward, or simple, or going to be easy. I will cry a lot when I have to say goodbye to the people that I love in my house and in my family. But I trust Jesus MORE.
And I have decided if anything, I would like the trust and JOY found only in Him to be known deeply by those in my life. I want to love those around me well these last days because He loves us well; and pray that He could use this time in all of us to remind us of what this time we have here on earth is really about. It is not about the things that so often take up our time and our energy. Forgive us, Lord.
I believe Jesus STILL seeks to change the world- through imperfect followers like us. I pray we could be deaf to what the world around us deems important, and then be able to hear from Jesus who still calls us today to ‘give up everything, and come follow me!’
I feel like I need to write out more of my thoughts; as this time is sweet and beautiful and I don’t want it passing away without writing down even a fraction of how much I’m thinking.
In the past few days, I have heard some important words from Jesus; from my Bible and through the words of David Platt in some sermons I downloaded online. Here are some of them:
'In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.' Luke 14:33
‘If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.’ Luke 14:26
‘but none of these things move me; neither do I esteem my life dear to myself, if only I may finish my course with joy and the ministry which I have obtained from the Lord Jesus; faithfully to attest to the good news of God's grace.’ Acts 20:24
‘A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.' "All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said. When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you!" "I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life.’ Luke 18:18-30
'Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ. Remember how you remained faithful even though it meant terrible suffering. Sometimes you were exposed to public ridicule and were beaten, and sometimes you helped others who were suffering the same things. You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail, and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever.' Hebrews 10:32-34
'So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.’ Matthew 10:26-30
All of these words speak so much to me; most importantly, they make me deeply joyful to follow Jesus.
He reminds me:
I do not need to be afraid. He knows the number of hairs on my head.
I want to be like Peter: ‘Lord, we left ALL WE HAD to follow you.’
As Paul says in his letter to the Hebrews, ‘when all you had was taken from you, you accepted it with joy; knowing that better things were waiting…’ despite what the world around me shouts.
I believe that I will find true life if I am willing to lose my life for His sake- even if I don’t see what that ‘true life’ looks like for a long time.
I want it to be clear that I love Jesus with ALL my heart, soul, and mind because of the way I live.
This is hard to write, because it is HARD to live. but it's true.
I don’t write this because I think that it will be easy, or that it is easy. But it IS my heart. I DO believe it with all my heart. And I am excited and most of all joyful to open my hands to Jesus for the rest of my life. This isn’t new, or just starting now. But I am, I suppose, beginning a new step soon.
I am sometimes afraid of the unknowns that lie ahead. I don’t at all think this is straightforward, or simple, or going to be easy. I will cry a lot when I have to say goodbye to the people that I love in my house and in my family. But I trust Jesus MORE.
And I have decided if anything, I would like the trust and JOY found only in Him to be known deeply by those in my life. I want to love those around me well these last days because He loves us well; and pray that He could use this time in all of us to remind us of what this time we have here on earth is really about. It is not about the things that so often take up our time and our energy. Forgive us, Lord.
I believe Jesus STILL seeks to change the world- through imperfect followers like us. I pray we could be deaf to what the world around us deems important, and then be able to hear from Jesus who still calls us today to ‘give up everything, and come follow me!’
Monday, February 22, 2010
prayer
O God, help us to be like your Beloved Son, Jesus.
May our baptism be as his was,
binding us in utter solidarity with your world.
Forgive our breathless quest for private spiritual solace
that does not immerse us in the needs of those
buried in the rubble of earthquakes, oppression, and poverty.
Gracious Lord, who in creation made us one humanity
and in your Son created one body in which all share one bread,
pour out on us the delight
of being fully alive in your boundless agape.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
grant us your peace.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.
James Anderson
May our baptism be as his was,
binding us in utter solidarity with your world.
Forgive our breathless quest for private spiritual solace
that does not immerse us in the needs of those
buried in the rubble of earthquakes, oppression, and poverty.
Gracious Lord, who in creation made us one humanity
and in your Son created one body in which all share one bread,
pour out on us the delight
of being fully alive in your boundless agape.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
grant us your peace.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.
James Anderson
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
authority
At church a situation was mentioned about a Portland politician who said that perhaps one day Portland would be Jesus’ favorite city. After receiving jabs from the media, he clarified; stating that he hoped Portland would be a city that is built on love, understanding, and social justice. Jesus is of course known by all to value these, and as a follower of Jesus I am happy to find Him identified in these values, knowing all agree on their importance. Yet if I indentify Jesus as loving and understanding, someone who values justice for all- and that’s it… I am missing ALL of who Jesus is.
Yes, these are easy things to identify with Him. We can see that. But to see Him as:
“the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation…by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible…He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:15-17)
This is different.
We are reading through the Gospel of Mark. In Chapter 1, Jesus is teaching in the synagogue, and the people see He is different than the others they have heard.
“The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law. Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an evil spirit cried out, "What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!" "Be quiet!" said Jesus sternly. "Come out of him!" The evil spirit shook the man violently and came out of him with a shriek.
“The people were all so amazed that they asked each other, "What is this? A new teaching—and with authority! He even gives orders to evil spirits and they obey him." (22-27)
Jesus has authority. My desire is for Him to have authority over every piece of my life. Sometimes I think He does. But sometimes I am selfish. Some things are easy to give up. But giving Him everything is not easy.
Yet I honestly trust Him. We sang a song; the line, “this world has nothing for me” was simple and true.
I have been thankful and so much aware of the blessing of my days lately. I have more freedom with my time than I have in a long time. I have great friends. I have had the opportunity to play at the beach and in the mountains- in just the past two days! I have every reason to be happy.
And I am happy. But the happiness is more than that. It is joy, which outlasts circumstances. If I were living for free time, adventure, friendship, and the fun random days, I might be happy sometimes. But the joy I have is deeper. It has come from giving (or attempting to give!) Jesus authority over my life. There are lots of times I must give it up again and again. But I felt it last night, “there is so much more to life than these things...” And even though I don’t know what that means, I move forward. Step by step, day by day- by faith and not by sight. It is not always simple or straightforward, but the JOY is there because Jesus is more to me than a lover of social justice. He is my authority, who holds all things together.
Yes, these are easy things to identify with Him. We can see that. But to see Him as:
“the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation…by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible…He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:15-17)
This is different.
We are reading through the Gospel of Mark. In Chapter 1, Jesus is teaching in the synagogue, and the people see He is different than the others they have heard.
“The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law. Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an evil spirit cried out, "What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!" "Be quiet!" said Jesus sternly. "Come out of him!" The evil spirit shook the man violently and came out of him with a shriek.
“The people were all so amazed that they asked each other, "What is this? A new teaching—and with authority! He even gives orders to evil spirits and they obey him." (22-27)
Jesus has authority. My desire is for Him to have authority over every piece of my life. Sometimes I think He does. But sometimes I am selfish. Some things are easy to give up. But giving Him everything is not easy.
Yet I honestly trust Him. We sang a song; the line, “this world has nothing for me” was simple and true.
I have been thankful and so much aware of the blessing of my days lately. I have more freedom with my time than I have in a long time. I have great friends. I have had the opportunity to play at the beach and in the mountains- in just the past two days! I have every reason to be happy.
And I am happy. But the happiness is more than that. It is joy, which outlasts circumstances. If I were living for free time, adventure, friendship, and the fun random days, I might be happy sometimes. But the joy I have is deeper. It has come from giving (or attempting to give!) Jesus authority over my life. There are lots of times I must give it up again and again. But I felt it last night, “there is so much more to life than these things...” And even though I don’t know what that means, I move forward. Step by step, day by day- by faith and not by sight. It is not always simple or straightforward, but the JOY is there because Jesus is more to me than a lover of social justice. He is my authority, who holds all things together.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
broken pieces
God, I sit
desperate for you to show yourself
desperate for your wisdom
desperate for your healing
the broken pieces of the world have been thrown into mine
and as much as I want to heal
and make everything better
it is not my job
it’s yours
but for all I am able
give me something I can do
a broken piece
so that I can do my share.
and no matter how dark and heavy it gets,
I want to be in the midst of it,
not far away
but you must be the only light that burns inside of me
You are the only light in this darkness.
‘…and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.’ John 1:4-5
desperate for you to show yourself
desperate for your wisdom
desperate for your healing
the broken pieces of the world have been thrown into mine
and as much as I want to heal
and make everything better
it is not my job
it’s yours
but for all I am able
give me something I can do
a broken piece
so that I can do my share.
and no matter how dark and heavy it gets,
I want to be in the midst of it,
not far away
but you must be the only light that burns inside of me
You are the only light in this darkness.
‘…and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.’ John 1:4-5
Friday, January 22, 2010
loved
the deep awareness of the reality of my situation hit me again yesterday. I am moving to a different country, following only the direction of Jesus. it is real. and it is a little scary too. but the deep awareness was that of how much I am loved by those He has given me. and how great it is to love them back. it was strange and beautiful and yet incredibly real and almost tangible to ponder, and I am grateful in a way I could never put into words. I know that I never want to forget it, though, so I am writing it down.
an anonymous quotation from my high school journal came to me as I reflected.
'there is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved; it is God's hand on our shoulder...'
an anonymous quotation from my high school journal came to me as I reflected.
'there is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved; it is God's hand on our shoulder...'
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
warm pockets
On Saturday morning I embraced the chilly Colorado winter and went for a run along the Santa Fe Trail, which runs right along the property where I am staying. My computer told me it was 19 degrees, so I wore my hat, gloves, and layered on the clothes, as I was determined to enjoy the sunny winter morning and didn’t want any excuse to return inside. For the first mile and a half, my hands were almost numb, the air was thin and frigid, and I felt the heaviness of the layers I wore. Yet the sun was bright and the air was crisp and fresh.
After the first loop, I returned to where I began, and shed some of the weight, as my hands and core were now warm. I felt light; and now free to continue on the other direction.
The sun shone bright in my eyes as I ran east. The rocks slid beneath my feet.
The run was perfect. Not because it was easy, comfortable, or always felt great. But because God spoke to me through the cold, the moments by breath was short because of the 7,000 feet of rising hills, and in the moments when I was just tired.
At one point, as I ran with the sun almost blinding my eyes, I took a breath and it was warm. It was one of those warm pockets- where the air is warm in the midst of the cold surrounding it. It only lasts for a moment. I don’t understand why or how it happens- but it is so real, so tangible. It was as if I was in the middle of sunshine on the beach instead of in the mountains at 7:45am on a January morning.
My iPod played words in my ears, which spoke to me as if He were right there. I became so aware--
That He wasn’t leaving me anywhere, despite where I may go and how alone I might feel. That my life is so short- and living it for myself is really a waste of time. That no matter how hard anything in my future is; I have already overcome it with the cross of Christ. Therefore, I move forward in JOY.
'I'm forgiven by a Savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
Undelivered, but it doesn't seem right
Unless I keep my eyes focused on the Savior who gave His life
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow You Lord
When You stand, the tall trees and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen,
and I fall to my knees
I will take up my cross and follow
Lord where You lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow
wherever you go'
(Devotion, Hillsong United)
The sun was bright. The snow sparkled. And the gravel was bumpy under my feet. And during all of this, my purpose was again called to mind. I knew He would be there; for the rest of my life, and surely on this journey ahead.
Like the sunshine.
Sometimes it was cool and colder, but the sun was never gone. The air was thin, yet I was able to go on. And during the few moments I was tired and ready to be done, His voice lingered in the air- somewhere in the warm pockets.
After the first loop, I returned to where I began, and shed some of the weight, as my hands and core were now warm. I felt light; and now free to continue on the other direction.
The sun shone bright in my eyes as I ran east. The rocks slid beneath my feet.
The run was perfect. Not because it was easy, comfortable, or always felt great. But because God spoke to me through the cold, the moments by breath was short because of the 7,000 feet of rising hills, and in the moments when I was just tired.
At one point, as I ran with the sun almost blinding my eyes, I took a breath and it was warm. It was one of those warm pockets- where the air is warm in the midst of the cold surrounding it. It only lasts for a moment. I don’t understand why or how it happens- but it is so real, so tangible. It was as if I was in the middle of sunshine on the beach instead of in the mountains at 7:45am on a January morning.
My iPod played words in my ears, which spoke to me as if He were right there. I became so aware--
That He wasn’t leaving me anywhere, despite where I may go and how alone I might feel. That my life is so short- and living it for myself is really a waste of time. That no matter how hard anything in my future is; I have already overcome it with the cross of Christ. Therefore, I move forward in JOY.
'I'm forgiven by a Savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
Undelivered, but it doesn't seem right
Unless I keep my eyes focused on the Savior who gave His life
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow You Lord
When You stand, the tall trees and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen,
and I fall to my knees
I will take up my cross and follow
Lord where You lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow
wherever you go'
(Devotion, Hillsong United)
The sun was bright. The snow sparkled. And the gravel was bumpy under my feet. And during all of this, my purpose was again called to mind. I knew He would be there; for the rest of my life, and surely on this journey ahead.
Like the sunshine.
Sometimes it was cool and colder, but the sun was never gone. The air was thin, yet I was able to go on. And during the few moments I was tired and ready to be done, His voice lingered in the air- somewhere in the warm pockets.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
lost
my mind, distracted
I don't know how to emerge
I can't even write
I have been wanting to write lately; there are so many things on my mind. but today, all I could come up with was this haiku.
I don't know how to emerge
I can't even write
I have been wanting to write lately; there are so many things on my mind. but today, all I could come up with was this haiku.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I have been meaning to post this...
This amazing video makes me smile and reminds me one of the reasons I love working at the hospital! I was however, a little jealous that this is a neighboring Portland hospital, but not the one I work at, so I didn't get to be a part of it.
but I LOVE THE JOY on these faces!
Friday, December 25, 2009
christmas
and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God with us.'
God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness,and the darkness can never extinguish it. He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.
But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.
So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.
From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses, but God’s unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God. But the unique One, who is himself God, is near to the Father’s heart. He has revealed God to us.
Matthew 1:23
John 1:1-5,10-14,16-18
1 John 4:9-10
God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness,and the darkness can never extinguish it. He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.
But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.
So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.
From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses, but God’s unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God. But the unique One, who is himself God, is near to the Father’s heart. He has revealed God to us.
Matthew 1:23
John 1:1-5,10-14,16-18
1 John 4:9-10
Sunday, December 20, 2009
on our side
I have been reflecting on the words to this song today; as Christmas draws near, this the most beautiful story of Christmas I have heard in a long time. This is truly good news, and reminds me that nothing about the real meaning of Christmas or the Gospel of Christ makes sense. And this is the best news of all.
You Are on Our Side, Bethany Dillon
The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
You Are on Our Side, Bethany Dillon
The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side
Sunday, November 29, 2009
thankful 2009
for the simple and complex:
talking all night
toothpaste
sisters who aren't
running for hours
cold water from a fountain
clean towels
family dinners
photography
possibility
night lights in the city
solitude
poetry
hymns at church
being a caregiver
the right words at the right moment
contentment
laughter
meeting goals
candles
heat from the vent
holding hands
handwritten letters
listening to friends sing
papaya
discovering new music
smooth sheets
Stumptown coffee
plain yogurt
freedom in honesty
text messages
new love
breakfast in Portland
hammocks
....
talking all night
toothpaste
sisters who aren't
running for hours
cold water from a fountain
clean towels
family dinners
photography
possibility
night lights in the city
solitude
poetry
hymns at church
being a caregiver
the right words at the right moment
contentment
laughter
meeting goals
candles
heat from the vent
holding hands
handwritten letters
listening to friends sing
papaya
discovering new music
smooth sheets
Stumptown coffee
plain yogurt
freedom in honesty
text messages
new love
breakfast in Portland
hammocks
....
Thursday, November 26, 2009
join the tradition
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I love this day, as it's just another reason to praise Jesus for the million and one ways He has blessed and provided for me. Every year, I make a list. I write down EVERYTHING. seriously, everything I can think of. the smell of soap. coffee. clean water which runs from the tap. the list goes on. I have done it for years, and I think cultivating gratitude is important. This year, as a prayer of Thanksgiving, make a list...
'Give THANKS to the Lord Almighty,
for the Lord is good;
His love endures forever.'
Jeremiah 33:11
'Give THANKS to the Lord Almighty,
for the Lord is good;
His love endures forever.'
Jeremiah 33:11
Monday, November 23, 2009
in light of eternity
Yesterday I had a brief glimpse outside my life here- and the walls I often find myself in. I had an intense vision of joy and hope. A vision of what really matters. I recalled the deep joy I have discovered in Jesus- that freedom from fear, freedom from control and freedom from failure. I was aware that He is God of the beginning, and of the end… and the God of every moment in between.
As I think about leaving the US for a while, I am comforted in knowing that this life is only a glimpse in light of eternity. So I don’t need to worry about those I leave here. I don’t have to worry about anything in the future- or in the present. I have given my life to Jesus, and this is true contentment. I can give the people I love to Him, too- and even though it’s still painful, remember that His love for these people I love is even deeper than mine. For these relationships under His care, we are really only separated for a short time. It is still not easy for me to think to think about. But I am grateful for the glimpse in light of eternity that I was given yesterday. This God who is in charge is so much bigger- and greater-than I can grasp.
“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath. We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. Rescue me from my rebellion...” Psalm 39:4-8
As I think about leaving the US for a while, I am comforted in knowing that this life is only a glimpse in light of eternity. So I don’t need to worry about those I leave here. I don’t have to worry about anything in the future- or in the present. I have given my life to Jesus, and this is true contentment. I can give the people I love to Him, too- and even though it’s still painful, remember that His love for these people I love is even deeper than mine. For these relationships under His care, we are really only separated for a short time. It is still not easy for me to think to think about. But I am grateful for the glimpse in light of eternity that I was given yesterday. This God who is in charge is so much bigger- and greater-than I can grasp.
“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath. We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. Rescue me from my rebellion...” Psalm 39:4-8
Friday, November 13, 2009
Jesus lives
This week I found Jesus living
Amidst darkness, addiction, and depression
In lives that have been wrecked by warfare, strongholds and demons
In farm families in the Midwest, businessmen in DC
Tiny tribes in Mali, and the deaf in Guatemala
In blonde-haired children, and in multi-cultural families
In those from atheist homes, Middle Eastern cities, and on the beaches of Indonesia
I was reminded
He performs miracles
He restores relationships
He changes hearts
He transforms cultures
In corners all over the world
He lives
Amidst darkness, addiction, and depression
In lives that have been wrecked by warfare, strongholds and demons
In farm families in the Midwest, businessmen in DC
Tiny tribes in Mali, and the deaf in Guatemala
In blonde-haired children, and in multi-cultural families
In those from atheist homes, Middle Eastern cities, and on the beaches of Indonesia
I was reminded
He performs miracles
He restores relationships
He changes hearts
He transforms cultures
In corners all over the world
He lives
Thursday, November 12, 2009
He is near
“If I could hear Christ praying for me in the next room, I would not fear a million enemies. Yet distance makes no difference. He is praying for me.” –Robert Murray M’Cheyne
In the last week and a half, I have felt battered by tactics of the enemy, and acutely aware of just how much I need Jesus in my life as I move forward. This week I am in training with others from around the country who are being sent around the world. We go with the message of hope found in Jesus. I know how much I need Him, but I don’t always live this way. This week, after hearing story upon story, I remember again. I am about to go on a journey that is clearly not something I can do on my own.
This morning we reflected on John 17. Our leader had us choose from three different verses in this chapter; all prayers of Jesus for us- and to make them personal. I was drawn to this:
“Father, I do not ask You to take (her) out of the world, but to keep (her) safe from the evil one. “ (from John 17:15)
I can rejoice and move forward because of Jesus; who has overcome evil on all levels, who prays for me, and who IS nearer to me than the next room.
If you read my blog and want to know more about my journey meeting Jesus in Cambodia, please write a comment!
In the last week and a half, I have felt battered by tactics of the enemy, and acutely aware of just how much I need Jesus in my life as I move forward. This week I am in training with others from around the country who are being sent around the world. We go with the message of hope found in Jesus. I know how much I need Him, but I don’t always live this way. This week, after hearing story upon story, I remember again. I am about to go on a journey that is clearly not something I can do on my own.
This morning we reflected on John 17. Our leader had us choose from three different verses in this chapter; all prayers of Jesus for us- and to make them personal. I was drawn to this:
“Father, I do not ask You to take (her) out of the world, but to keep (her) safe from the evil one. “ (from John 17:15)
I can rejoice and move forward because of Jesus; who has overcome evil on all levels, who prays for me, and who IS nearer to me than the next room.
If you read my blog and want to know more about my journey meeting Jesus in Cambodia, please write a comment!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
today's reflections
I need to remember
I am accountable
abundance requires responsibility
not everyone can eat anything they want for dinner
It doesn’t solve anything for me to go without
but may Your voice
keep me mindful
and
aware
I am filled;
most often, full in a way
that makes me uncomfortable
I am thankful;
yet I am not satisfied
how can I sleep without stirring
(even in my heart)
for those who are hungry?
It is not merely food
It is opportunity.
equality.
dignity.
respect.
I have privilege I don’t deserve
my neighbors lack that which they do
You say much will be required
(of me)
for to me, much has been given
what now, God?
I am selfish
teach me how to share
to be mindful and wise
speak your generosity into my being
show me how to give what I have away
because of Your name
I am accountable
abundance requires responsibility
not everyone can eat anything they want for dinner
It doesn’t solve anything for me to go without
but may Your voice
keep me mindful
and
aware
I am filled;
most often, full in a way
that makes me uncomfortable
I am thankful;
yet I am not satisfied
how can I sleep without stirring
(even in my heart)
for those who are hungry?
It is not merely food
It is opportunity.
equality.
dignity.
respect.
I have privilege I don’t deserve
my neighbors lack that which they do
You say much will be required
(of me)
for to me, much has been given
what now, God?
I am selfish
teach me how to share
to be mindful and wise
speak your generosity into my being
show me how to give what I have away
because of Your name
Friday, October 2, 2009
rejoice II
'my Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. but I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. and I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I know nothing about it. therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will not leave me to face my perils alone.'
thomas merton
thomas merton
Thursday, October 1, 2009
rejoice
‘do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin...’ zechariah 4:10
Last fall I spent a week in Florida, and in that week solidified a promise I had made to God the previous October. I was welcomed into a broader family who understood God’s heart for the world. In this, I committed in word and on paper I would move to Cambodia; with a (more) clear plan in place as to how this was to happen.
Toward the end of the week, I discovered this verse. Yes, I was in the midst of a small beginning. Nothing was going to move quickly- or as quickly as maybe I would have liked. It was going to be a process; with lots of work to do along the way, lots of conversations to be had, lots of explanations. I wondered at times what the impact of this decision I had made would have- for the near future and beyond that, too. Surely I was going to be misunderstood. I was going to feel alone. I was going to be judged. I was going to look like something I am not. I was probably going to hurt people. It was scary and beyond overwhelming. Yet the joy was like nothing I could ever put into words. I was alive in a way I never wanted to lose.
I sought to know the heart of God, and I recognized my decision was ultimately His for me. No matter what happened along the way, what mattered if I were just to follow Him and do what He told me to do? So I took another step in faith- the same faith which has moved me this much closer to where I am today.
It has almost been a year since that week. I smile when I think of what God has done. It was a small beginning, but I can see the Lord rejoicing, too. I am much closer to my departure, even though it often still seems beyond my grasp. And it is. It’s His idea- and I will wait. I rejoice even when I wonder what I am doing some days. I never doubt, but it doesn’t mean it always makes sense to me. Sometimes I feel lost and wonder how this plan He has is really going to work. I feel alone. Recently I was met with the strongest sense of desperation. I cried out to God; ‘if you don’t show up, I absolutely can’t do this.’ It was a hard day. Yet a blessing and a lesson in humility because I really can’t move forward without His hand on me. And I don’t want to.
I still often feel misunderstood- I get the sense that others find me courageous and brave. A good person. Strong. I promise you it’s not at all true. But I do really love Jesus, and know that He is why I walk this way.
Lord, I pray you may rejoice in the work that has begun. Know my heart. I don’t move forward for any reason or in any way other than You.
Last fall I spent a week in Florida, and in that week solidified a promise I had made to God the previous October. I was welcomed into a broader family who understood God’s heart for the world. In this, I committed in word and on paper I would move to Cambodia; with a (more) clear plan in place as to how this was to happen.
Toward the end of the week, I discovered this verse. Yes, I was in the midst of a small beginning. Nothing was going to move quickly- or as quickly as maybe I would have liked. It was going to be a process; with lots of work to do along the way, lots of conversations to be had, lots of explanations. I wondered at times what the impact of this decision I had made would have- for the near future and beyond that, too. Surely I was going to be misunderstood. I was going to feel alone. I was going to be judged. I was going to look like something I am not. I was probably going to hurt people. It was scary and beyond overwhelming. Yet the joy was like nothing I could ever put into words. I was alive in a way I never wanted to lose.
I sought to know the heart of God, and I recognized my decision was ultimately His for me. No matter what happened along the way, what mattered if I were just to follow Him and do what He told me to do? So I took another step in faith- the same faith which has moved me this much closer to where I am today.
It has almost been a year since that week. I smile when I think of what God has done. It was a small beginning, but I can see the Lord rejoicing, too. I am much closer to my departure, even though it often still seems beyond my grasp. And it is. It’s His idea- and I will wait. I rejoice even when I wonder what I am doing some days. I never doubt, but it doesn’t mean it always makes sense to me. Sometimes I feel lost and wonder how this plan He has is really going to work. I feel alone. Recently I was met with the strongest sense of desperation. I cried out to God; ‘if you don’t show up, I absolutely can’t do this.’ It was a hard day. Yet a blessing and a lesson in humility because I really can’t move forward without His hand on me. And I don’t want to.
I still often feel misunderstood- I get the sense that others find me courageous and brave. A good person. Strong. I promise you it’s not at all true. But I do really love Jesus, and know that He is why I walk this way.
Lord, I pray you may rejoice in the work that has begun. Know my heart. I don’t move forward for any reason or in any way other than You.
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